9 ways to eat

I have been lazy. So so lazy. You might even say "getting fat and lazy" when you find out that my lack of reviews has nothing at all to do with a lack of eating at restaurants. I have been eating plenty and will turn this exercise of laziness into an exercise in tight writing. The 50-word reviews (next week, I will write haikus).

Indochine
Their man-candy waitstaff serves beautifully plated and sumptious Vietnamese fusion that does not feel trite. The Seafood Bouillbase and Grilled Prawns were excellent, if pricey; and their extensive and creative list of mocktails was appreciated. Overall, a pleasant surprise despite an overwhelming amount of Euro-trash and Upper East Side frat-folk.

Sapphire
I thought I liked this UWS Indian staple until I looked around the dining room – it is packed with middle-class white people, nary a desi to be found. And Boyfriend, who grew up on curry and daal, declared it "Spiceless!" And though the waiter sprinted us through the meal, my mid-western tastebuds secretly thought it was ok.

Balthazar
It's best for breakfast, unless you go late for the seafood tower and champagne. Like I even need to put in a review. If you have not had the pleasure of breaking fast there: arrive around 8:30- 9 a.m., get your bowl of cappuccino and a croissant and preen. Just do that, and you'll be happy.

Da Silvano
http://www.dasilvano.com/
Speaking of preening, I was feeling especially buoyant on a recent Sunday. "Da Silvano?" I queried to Boyfriend as we tromped the brunch trail. Soon after, nestled on the heated terrace, we feasted on crostini, steamed artichoke ($24!), pumpkin ravioli and ossobuco while watching euro-trash navigate cocaine hangovers and display themselves. Love it.

Cafe Gray
http://www.cafegray.com/
Gorgeous Columbus Circle views, open kitchen, cougars galore. The steak tartar with katjup tasted fancy-pants McDonald's; the poussin was nice but unremarkable and the key lime tart could have come from Miro, the ubiquitous downtown coffee shop. Service failed to clear our finished dinner plates for 23 minutes after the last fork had been settled, and failed to ask for our coffee order. Verdict: tourist trap.

Bao 111
http://bao111.com
I wanted to like this place, I really did. But the Crabmeat Noodle Soup was a muddy mess with so much salt it burned my mouth. It makes me sad when food is completely inedible and I want to cry with disappointment. Other savory nibbles, such as the Truffled Tuna Spring Roll and Lollipop Chicken did sort of make up for that. Maybe I'll try again.

Degustation
http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/degustation/
Despite Eater's deathwatch, or because of it, this was one of the most engaging and rewarding dining experiences in recent weeks. The dark and intimate setting – sexytime! – and amazing menu was a true restaurant experience in every way. To wit: you select 3-4 small plates, exquisitely rendered, with brilliant Spanish reds playing back-up, to get wonderfully soused.

Momofuku Noodle Bar
http://www.momofuku.com/
I love me some pork products, and finally got my own oink on at this place I keep hearing so damn much about. The noodles were eh but really why noodles, when you can have hot, braised pork rind dripping in hoisin squeezed into a steamed bun? Or roasted brussel sprouts with kimchee puree and bacon? Enough said.


Ronnybrook Milk Bar
http://www.ronnybrookmilkbar.com/
It would be easy to get Shanghai-d by all the choices at Chelsea Market, but keep your head on and beeline to Ronnybrook. I exalted my inner farmgirl and lapped up the eggs, milk and cheese like a crack head from Wisconsin: egg salad, egg-in-a-whole, cream in my coffee, a couple cookies. And everything is under $8.