King Sauna

King Sauna Lounge.

What brings to mind a well-deserved pig out like hanging out naked with dozens of strangers? King Sauna, the reigning monarch of bimbibop and jimjibang, sure does.

I decided to make the most of a recent summer afternoon and treat myself to some TLC. Cheap TLC. I contemplated a Chinatown $1/minute massage followed by dim sum. But I hankered for something more adventerous.

It was then that King Sauna entered my radar. It is a massive Korean sauna/wet spa emporium in Palisades Park, NJ, where you can get scrubbed raw and slapped around by a couple of tough Korean ladies for a feeling like no other. TLC, the hard-core version.

The Koreans love saunas. And King Sauna aims to out-Korean all of them. To get there I took a 20-minute bus from Port Authority ($8.10 round trip). It is $35 for a day pass and they assigned me a locker, a towel, pink shorts and matching tee-shirt. After I stripped down and stopped feeling self-conscious (sort of), a spa attendant instructed to bathe on a little stool and then jump into one of the many tubs (hot, warm, cold). After I was soaked, I went for the body scrub or wet massage ($70 for both plus tip). A row of tables at the back of the 'wet' spa is where the real experience happens. The spa workers, wearing black lingerie as a uniform (not the sexy kind) use scrub mits to exfoliate you everywhere (yes, *everywhere* and big yucky rolls of old skin will literally fall off your body - gross huh) and then, through an almost-hostile massage, reinvigorate your circulation and muscles. It's bit like being reborn.

After an hour of abuse, they released me back to soak in the steam room or move on into the many sauna rooms. There is one room, the Mugwort room, which is quite possibly the most masochistic experience on earth. My lips started sweating and I felt I might die after about 60 seconds. I donned my pink outfit and moved into the more tolerable co-ed sauna rooms (a men's wet spa is seperate).

By this time, I had worked up some major hunger for a bowl of bimbibop. The lounge/restaurant offer some pink 'royal' seating arrangements where you can dine with other pink-tee-shirt clad spa goers. A bimbibop will cost you $8, and it's advisable to wash it down with a jug of water, and finish with a fresh papaya smoothie. After a relaxing meal while watching a Korean soap opera, I took one more spin through a sauna room, showered, and dressed. Three hours after arriving at King Sauna, I was sufficiently TLC'd and glowing like a newborn, all for the princely sum of less than $150.